Until further notice, I won’t be on this blog. I might never come back to it. Things are just really not looking positive for us, and as much as I want to hold onto any shred of hope, I may soon need to face the fact that he just isn’t in the right place in his life to let me in right now. I still love him, but sometimes you have to put yourself first before you can really devote yourself to someone else, and I think that applies to the both of us right now.
So to all of you lovely people who followed me and supported me throughout this insanity, thank you. I hope that all of your own dreams come true. If you’d like to continue to follow my journey, you can either follow me on my main blog or on the new blog about my military journey that I’m hoping to get up and running in the near future.
"He loved you so much that it scared him," my mom said. The boy I love has always been fearless.
"You can’t trust an Airman. Or a Marine," my dad said. The boy I love has been both.
"You were the perfect girlfriend and you deserve better," my friends said. The boy I love truly loved me.
But they don’t really know. They don’t know the rush of hearing “When can I marry you?”. They don’t know the taste and feel of your lips covered in snowflakes. They don’t know the sound of your voice after weeks of silence. They don’t know the strength of your arms keeping me together as I tremble. They don’t know the contours of your face as the morning sun streams in through the window. They don’t know the calluses on your hands, gentle in mine. They don’t know the pine-northern wind-winter air scent of your skin. They don’t know the songs we shared from oceans apart. They don’t know you. And I’m not entirely sure I do either.
Love is like energy. It can never be created nor destroyed…it is just always there. You just have to realize that fact and you have to learn that as soon as you stopped loving him in the way you did that love left to somewhere else. Now all you have to do is find out where that love went. That love went to whoever the next person in your life will be. That next person could be one of your friends or someone you might dislike, you just have to find that out.
Something has to change. I can’t go on like this for much longer. It isn’t fair to anyone. I’m trying so hard to believe that there’s a reason that he didn’t answer my text or my call, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because I’ve made the mistake of jumping to conclusions before. But God it just hurts and hurts and hurts. More than anything ever should. I’m trying so hard, but I need him to try too.